Out Shopping

Joy stood looking at Ade in irritation, as he sat slumped in front of the television flicking through channels.

“How can you just sit down there staring into space? For heaven’s sake, it’s the weekend - this is when you should be out and about, enjoying life in town!”

Ade turned a lazy eye towards here. “Eh, this is my way of enjoying life in town. After being ‘out and about’ for the last five days, the last thing I want to do is to inhale more traffic fumes. Abeg, please leave me to watch my television.”

Joy made another irritated gesture. “See? You’re not even watching anything. As soon as you’ve settled down on a channel, you switch immediately to another one. What’s the point of that?”

Ade carried on flicking through the channels. “There’s nothing good, so I have to keep searching.”

“But you’ve cycled through the channels twice already, and the same programmes are still on! Admit it, you know that there’s nothing worth watching on television. Come on, now - let’s leave your stuffy flat and go outside.

Just as Ade was about to respond with another retort, the television screen went blank. Ade jumped up and screamed in outrage.

“What did you just do? Did you pull the plug? That’s a totally disrespectful way of making your point…” He stared as he saw Joy dissolving into giggles. “What’s so funny?”

In between fits of giggles, Joy said “You’re always going on about how you are Mr. Logic, and yet you can’t make the most obvious deduction - that PHCN have taken light! And for once, I support them!”

Ade hurled the remote control set to the floor in disgust. “Stupid PHCN! Now my weekend is messed up. What am I going to do?” He got up and stomped around his flat in disgust while Joy watched with an amused expression.

After a while, Joy said “Perhaps you might want to consider my original idea of going out?”

“Going out to where? Please don’t say that we should visit any of your friends… I don’t have the energy for small talk today”, Ade grumbled as he settled down again into his chair.

“No… I have a better idea.” Joy brightened up. “How about we check out the local market and see what’s on sale?”

Ade jumped up again as though he had been branded with a red hot iron. “Go shopping? No way! Over my dead body! I still remember the last time you dragged me to go out shopping with you - we ended up perambulating all over the place for hours, and in the end all you bought were two tiny earrings! No way!” he repeated, shaking his head vigorously.

“Ah-ah, come on now”, Joy pleaded. “The last time, I was looking for that particular ear-ring… that’s why I spent so long. I promise that this time, we won’t waste so much time.”

But Ade was unyielding. ” Every time, you work the magic of your sweet tongue on me so that I forget what happened the last time - and before I know it, I’m in shopping hell again. But today it will be different - I am going to block my ears to your pleading and stand firm”, he said, fixing her with a stern frown.

Joy sat down and sighed with disappointment. “Ade - haven’t you stopped to think about why I want you to be with me when I go shopping? You know that I could have asked Nike or Ekaete, but it’s you I want to be with. And you know why? Because of all the people I could choose to share my joy when I find something I like, I can’t think of anyone else I would rather share it with than you.”

“That’s great to hear - but surely, you can go out and do the shopping yourself, and then when you find what you want, you can return and share the joy with me here in my flat - right?”

Joy noticed Ade’s wavering resolution, and pressed her advantage. “But Ade, it’s not the same. I want to share my joy with you in the heat of the moment, not after it has dissipated. You remember when you got the job with your construction company - did you wait for three days to tell me? No - you got on the phone and told me there and then! That’s how I feel about this. And besides, I enjoy being with you - I mean, I’ll go by myself if you really, really want - but I can tell you that it definitely wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Ade relented. “OK, OK, in spite of my better judgment, I’ll go with you this time.”

Joy sprang up and flung her arms round Ade. “Oh Ade, thank you, thank you! You’re such a darling!”

“A foolish stupid darling”, Ade thought to himself. “I can’t help feeling that I’m going to regret this.”

*****

An hour later, Joy was wandering around the market, looking at the various wares on offer, with Ade grumbling behind.

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone with you”, he muttered angrily. “I should have run out of the room the moment your sweet tongue started to work. Look at us! We’ve been perambulating aimlessly around the market for God-knows-how-long, and I don’t even know what we’re looking for!”

Joy paused at a stall where handbags were being sold. She picked one up, then another, and turned round to Ade. “What do you think of these two?”

“How should I know? Are you not the one who chose them?”

“Ah-ah, why are you being like this now? OK, let’s just look at this, and I promise we’ll go home. I beg, now.”

Ade flared up. “You’ve been saying that for the last five stalls we’ve stopped at - why should I believe you, now?”

“Because I mean it this time. Look, I know that you’re not happy, and that it’s taken longer for me to find what I’m looking for - but I think I have what I want now. I just need your help in making my mind up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Are you really, really sure? Are you positive that you won’t change your mind and go back to a stall that you’ve previously been to, like you’ve done on a couple of occasions already?”

“Ade, why are you doing like this now? Haven’t I said ‘yes’ already?” Joy pleaded.

Ade took a deep breath. “OK, I think I prefer the black handbag with the light blue designs.”

Joy looked at his choice critically. “I don’t know… I’m not sure if I have shoes that match that handbag in my collection.”

“OK, then you can choose the other handbag, then” replied Ade, desperate to wrap things up.

“Hmm… I’m not sure - that brown is ‘one kind’…”

“What do you mean ‘one kind’? Wasn’t it you that picked both of them up? Why pick them up if you didn’t like them?”

“OK, abeg sorry o! It’s trial and error now… what about this one?”

“It’s fantastic.”

“Or this one?”

“It’s excellent.”

“Hmm… this one, nko?”

“It’s magnificent! It’s spectacular! It’s resplendiferous!”

Joy gave Ade a disapproving look. “Ade, stop joking, now. You know that I really want you input here, and instead you’re throwing out all these big, big words.”

Ade grinned. “Ah, I’ve realised that the fastest way to escape from this hell is just to praise whatever you choose - otherwise, you will just keep on picking and choosing.”

“Ah-ah, that’s not fair, now. You know that as much as I want to look good for myself, I also want to look good for you too. How would you like it if I chose this bag?” And Joy lifted up a bag with a bizarre colour combination of shocking pink, lime green and electric orange.

Ade continued grinning. “Me - I don’t care what you pick. You know that I’m not so much tripped by fashion. But if you want to buy that bag, then yes, I’ll gladly say that it’s brilliantastic.”

Joy sighed. “Now I can tell that you really want to go. OK, go and wait in the car, and give me five minutes while I settle up with the seller.”

Ade walked away, smiling to himself. “Victory at last!” he grinned.

*****

Half an hour later, Joy was in the car park by Ade’s car, fretting and waiting.

“He was the one who said he couldn’t wait to go home - now only God knows where he has disappeared to. He’s not even answering his GSM.” Joy picked up her phone and pressed the redial button again, but the phone rang again and again and then went to voicemail.

After waiting for a few minutes, Joy decided to go back into the market to look for Ade. She wandered around the stalls for a few minutes, and then her phone rang.

“Joy! It’s me o! Have you been trying to reach me?”

“Ade! Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you since! And what’s that noise in the background? I can barely hear you!”

There was an embarrassed pause at the other end. “Erm… it’s nothing. Look - I’m coming out now. I’ll be at the car within the next five minutes, I promise you.”

Joy made her way back to the car, and a short while after, she saw Ade emerging from the market holding a carton.

“Ade!” she cried. “So you have been badmouthing me for my shopping, and all this time you yourself have been doing some shopping of your own!”

Ade shook his head. “It’s not like that at all. I didn’t set out to go shopping - I just stumbled upon this electronic shop. So I thought I should just take a quick look to see what they had in stock…”

“Quick look! What kind of quick look were you looking that took nearly half an hour? Ade, na wa for you o!”

“Abeg, stop making mouth!” Ade retorted. “Look at Madam Blackest Pot calling Mister Shiny Kettle black! As if you too are not notorious for your own quick looks that stretch to even more than an hour.”

Joy laughed, then frowned “But how come you didn’t answer the phone? I called you at least three times, and you didn’t pick up!”

“Oh, well the shop I went into had a good range of powerful speakers, so I wanted to test them to see which one I might want. At the time you called, the speakers must have been playing full volume, so they must have drowned out the phone ringtone. But I got the speakers I wanted in the end, anyway”, and Ade hoisted up the carton as if to show off his trophy.

“Well, I finally decided to choose the pink, green and orange bag in the end, as you recommended”, said Joy, and seeing the look of horror on Ade’s face, she laughed. “I’m just joking - but I thought you said you didn’t care?”

“Of course I don’t care. It’s just the thought of your friends shunning you for your crimes against fashion that I couldn’t bear, that’s all.”

“Anyway, I hope that you are at least happy that you go something you wanted, and you won’t be so opposed to following me shopping the next time I ask”, Joy said, smiling as she got into the car.

“Oh I won’t be opposed… now that I know that there are sections in the market that I too can drag you around and ask you for your opinions on things that you care very little about,. I won’t be opposed at all“, said Ade, smiling right back, as he he started the car up.