Hi, my name is Frank and I’m gay. I know it sounds terribly weird introducing myself this way but I have come to the realization that the more I say it, the better my chances of accepting it.
I have always been gay. In fact, I recently found out that I might have been born gay.
Thanks to the boundless information that floats freely around the internet, I found out that there are several researches that indicate that some people have no choice but to be gay because they can’t help it. It’s in their genes, in their skin, it’s a part of them and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it.
The first time I realized that I wasn’t your average boy was when I was fifteen years old and my aunt stripped naked right in front of me.
It wasn’t that she had an ugly body, far from it; for a forty year old she had the body of a goddess. Her skin was a beautiful golden brown hue and was dewy with sweat as she stood in the sliver of sunlight that sliced through the partition of the closed bedroom curtains.
Her breasts were the first I had ever seen since my mothers’ and they stared at me, two unripe paw paws, areoles like a solar system surrounded by a colorful explosion of planets. They were thrusting forward like angry warriors spoiling for a fight and her legs…her legs were long, and lithe. She had splayed them apart and with her hands on her hips, had stood there like a super model waiting for a thunderous applause.
She had been coming on to me for weeks and didn’t even know it. A brush across my cheek, a gentle pat on my buttocks, hugs that lingered on more than they should have and accidental flashes of bared skin when we were talking about mundane things.
All I had felt was an initial sense of bewilderment and then acute embarrassment when the flashes of skin had become intentional displays of naked flesh.
And now she had moved in for the kill and I felt nothing but a desire to shriek like a banshee and hide in the furthest corners of the earth; nothing but a desire to take off my shirt and cover the artistic tapestry of a body that was begging to be taken.
She had mistaken my horror for shyness and had come forward to the spot where I stood frozen, then grabbed my hands and placed them on her breasts, her hands over mine, making me knead them as though I were a blind man being directed to the promised land.
And still I felt nothing. But my hands moved in rhythm with hers and soon she was moaning as I kneaded away, a student with nothing but a technique.
Her moans died in her throat when she grabbed my crotch and felt the lifelessness that dwelt there. I hung as placidly as dead chicken on display in the meat market.
What happened next should have been the fantasy of every teenage boy but was a nightmare for me. She licked and tickled and feathered and slithered and bumped but I gave nothing….rose to none of the strenuous occasions she created. And finally, she left me alone, gathering up her clothes in silence and refusing to look me in the eye. She walked out and like telepathic twins we never mentioned a word of what happened to each other or anyone else for that matter.
I didn’t think I was gay even after that. After intense retrospection I concluded that I couldn’t get it up because she was my aunt, the sister of my mother and therefore I was emotionally castrated by blood.
But when my Dupe my first girlfriend at the age of twenty offered me her virginity I felt the same thing I felt with my aunt and more…a desire to die.
I kept to myself pretty much after that, nursing my fears like a paranoid mother, avoiding everything female and keeping everything male at arm’s length until I met Tunde.
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estrella @estrella
I'm that kind of writer that writes a piece,reads it and goes ''damn! Im good! Lol...I generally hate sharing my work with people but my desire to be a more serious writer supercedes that ridiculous fear so here I am! I'm beautiful,brainy and unpretentious and that shows in my writing...Go to estrella's profile, and read more of his/her posts.
@4ran6…you won’t have to wait for long…lol!
@lancaster..best read? really! Awwww….thanks dude!
@Mr C…i beg to differ;quite disturbing,yes…as disturbing as a seventy five year old man raping a two year old girl…extremely unlikely? no…far from it…I’m sure a few people here would agree with me on this.Most of my male friends have given me their experiences of being molested by an aunt or a distant female relation way older than them.It’s almost the same thing for the ladies who have been molested.but then again,each person’s experience varies and to each writer his own…
I never ever doubt u, lolz
Estrella, I loved how well-written this was - the flowing narrative, and the vivid description. Well done.
The only nitpick is that I think that someone who is gay would discover it from his attraction to a man rather than his ‘indifference’ to a woman. After all, there are people who are interested neither in men nor in women.
Looking forward to part 2.
@Tola…Merci Tola..thanks for reading in the first place…personally,i believe that gay people discover their gayness in different ways.whether it is a strong desire for intimacy with a fellow male or studied indifference to all things female…each person’s experience and discovery varies…
Miss Estrella, now it’s my turn to comment.
Writing-wise, this piece is good. Some parts are excellent, some parts are so-so, but all in all, this is good. I’d score you at least 7 over 10.
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Its the gay issue itself I want to talk about. Personally, I don’t think anyone who ISN’T gay should ever write gay literature. It’s one of those things in life I don’t think you can understand except you yourself are affected. So the entire description of the boy and his aunt and his girlfriend all felt quite ‘faux’, fake. Please I’m just saying how I saw it, don’t take offense.
As other people have said, especially FunmiF and Tola Odejayi, it really doesnt take a woman to make a guy realize he’s gay. It’s other men.
I haven’t met any gay person. And personally, I may be biased against gay people (cos I believe it’s a wrong sexual orientation, no matter what the cause), but I have observed several gay characters in American TV shows and films e.g. Ugly Betty, Brokeback Mountain, Desperate Housewives, Spartacus, Brothers and Sisters, Queer as Folk etc. The point I’m trying to make here is I don’t think aspiring writers or ANY writer for that matter should write about homosexual characters without having had some tangible physical experience with the issue.
It is just too touchy a subject to trivialise. And so many people have all kinds of false notions about what it means to be gay as we can see from so many comments on your story.
Anyway, I applaud you. If nothing else, you’ve generated a BIG HUGE discussion. And that’s always the way to enlightenment..
Xikay, I have always found it difficult to believe that any gay was not born so.
Estrella, I agreed with 4rand6.
Agree* (in place of agreed).
Gboyega, I do not totally agree with you, beg your pardon.
Quoting
“Personally, I don’t think anyone who ISN’T gay should ever write gay literature. It’s one of those things in life I don’t think you can understand except you yourself are affected. So the entire description of the boy and his aunt and his girlfriend all felt quite ‘faux’, fake. Please I’m just saying how I saw it, don’t take offense.”
In this context, ALL writers should write only their respective autobiographies. Homosexualism is a part of life, and Literature digs into all aspects of Life. (Note also that Literature doesn’t choose its writer.) Who understands that time slows down as a photon approaches the speed of light? Who understands God, or His existence? Anyone could speak or write about anything IN HIS OWN OPINION- and that exactly is what this lady had done- and that exactly is what you have done.
*Nothing above has been taken personal, we’re only posting critiques in our own humble perspectives*
Well written but wud have to agree with @ayokunle falomo on his last comment.
@Gboyega…I think that the ability of a writer to write about what he has never experienced in such a way that it moves the reader is what defines his success.I have written about experiences i had never gone through.The sensitivity of the gay experience may be a bit harder than others but the fact of the matter is that it is part of our society and as writers,carving a story out of what goes on around us is inevitable.I don’t claim to know what it feels like…
@adewale…thanks for that..couldn’t have said it better myself…
ESTRELLA, YOU DESERVE A BIG KISS AND HUG FOR THIS PIECE. THIS IS WHAT I ADVOCATE NAIJA WRITERS BEGIN DOING: MOVE OUT OF COMFORT ZONES, TAKE UP BOMBBLASTING SUBJECTS AND WEAVE TALES AROUND THEM WITH THE SKILL OF A FIRST RATE BALLET DANCER. NO COMMENTS FOR THE PRO OR ANTI GAY CAMP TILL I SEE THE REST OF THE TALE. AND IF YOU FAIL US… YOU KNOW I AM A BIRO WIELDING VAN DAMM…YOUR KARATE SKILLS WILL NOT SAVE YOU SO GET US THE SEQUEL. WANNA KNOW HOW FRANK TRAVELLED DOWN THE HOMOSEXUAL ROAD.
Very vivid narration, i liked that. And i agree with Mr.C an aunt isn’t so appropriate for that role, stories i have heard are usually cousins or house helps never aunties, then again anything can happen.
Me, i don’t want to be caught in the arguement theatrics, I want to comment on the story itself.
Damn, you are good Estrella, and i am saying this with every sincerity. Your narration flowed seanlessly, and your descriptions were spot on. I especially liked this part ‘It wasn’t that she had an ugly body, far from it; for a forty year old she had the body of a goddess. Her skin was a beautiful golden brown hue and was dewy with sweat as she stood in the sliver of sunlight that sliced through the partition of the closed bedroom curtains.
Her breasts were the first I had ever seen since my mothers’ and they stared at me, two unripe paw paws, areoles like a solar system surrounded by a colorful explosion of planets. They were thrusting forward like angry warriors spoiling for a fight and her legs…her legs were long, and lithe. She had splayed them apart and with her hands on her hips, had stood there like a super model waiting for a thunderous applause.’
Only issue I have is with the xter of the aunt, but so much has been said on that already.
I wait earnestly for the next part.
Well done!!!
@Lawal Opeyemi Isaac, ppl only say this much when they’re impressed, REALLY impressed. She’s just too gbaski!!! I’m with u on this…
@ 4ran6: Dude, the young lady really blew me away with this one, Allah!
@ Lawal Opeyemi Isaac: I see am for ur comment. When I read her piece d first time, I sat back in my chair and went crazy! She’s exceptional…
@ 4ran6: The lady id good wahlahi! Just take time to read her other works e.g. Bloodied hands.You go dey further convinced.
@ Lawal Opeyemi Isaac, I go go read am now… It only means I’d go gaga a bit more than I went last time. Make I lock my office first b4 ppl come see mad 4ran6!
what happened with Tunde?
Well, Estrelle…what takes the cake here is your narrative. And of course…the very controversial topic which you choose to illustrate so illustriously…
You do well.