At your roar,
birds soar
Even with glaring oars
Your powers calls
We held ours
On solid time and hours
Staring with gasping awe
Pondering as intentions unveil
Nature’s best, we survey!
Beyond our sight we saw possibilities
Endless stream of vigour
Pent up in your large stomach
Now expunged at your sandy lips
Much to our consternation
You could not go further.
@sambright thi is a very personal and vivid description of the beach and the sea. its quite very nice
I LIKED THE IMAGERY YOU USED HERE.
Much to our consternation
You could not go further.
[ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? THAT WE SHOW CONSTERNATION AS THE INABILITY OF THE SEA TO GO BEYOND THE SEASHORES? I THINK WE SHOULD RATHER BE HAPPY ELSE OUR HOUSES WILL BE SWEPT AWAY…ASK JAPAN] OR DID YOU MEAN ‘YOUR CONSTERNATION?
WHY DID YOU SUDDENLY DROP THE RHYMES?
WELL DONE SIRE.
Great poetry! I love watching the waves when I go to the beach…but like Xikay pointed out It is not consternation but relief I feel when it does not go further….
@ xikay and mercy thanks for your observation and insightful comment-i appreciate.
@ xikay great underscore of the word consternation.Its use here is to express the fact that the sea with its surging poise and great roar, ought to go beyond the shores.it is to ridicule it as just roaring and not doing beyond that at least not in this part of the world. On second thought maybe i will do a review of this.but as wordsworth puts it,poetry is the spontaneous overflow of emotions recollected in tranquility.i didnt bother to check after the first draft.
@ xikay almost forgot to address the issue of rhymes before logging off,like i said i reconsider a rewrite.may be it will be better when that is done meanwhile all you have read is just a spontaneous overflow of emotions,perhaps the best way to express my thought of the beach.
either way, its very ingenious…you did a great job
Simple and nice poem, I liked the descriptive imagery you used.
colorful and very vivid poem
real cool,like it.
@ xikay thanks all the same.@ myne Whitman thanks ma’am your thought expressed here is motivating.- i welcome this honour with great pride.
@ anderson thanks for your comment glad it was colourful and that you appreciate it.
Cool stuff…
I’d rather see this as an ode to a failed relationship…
Good.
Interesting stuff.
thank you.
thank you.
precise and concise………. love it